Coffee Shop Patrons Announce Plans to Look Up Every 25 Seconds

Coffee Shop Patrons Announce Plans to Look Up Every 25 Seconds

Coffee Shop Patrons Announce Plans to Look Up Every 25 Seconds

BATON ROUGE, La. — Customers at the Eager Legume coffee shop made a collective, unrehearsed announcement to bob their heads up and look around in 25-second intervals, reported several sources who swear they just came here to get some work done.

“I love coming here and reading a chapter of a book,” regular patron David Stephanidies said. “And by ‘reading a chapter of a book,’ I mean, ‘Reading half a paragraph, getting distracted every time someone enters and glancing like I’m Tony in the penultimate shot of ‘The Sopranos.’ It could also be food being announced at the window when I didn’t order anything, an employee watering one of the hanging ferns, or just my own decimated concentration exposing itself to the point that I can’t maintain focus on a single cognition-enriching activity for even a minute. It’s such a good way to unwind.”

Eager Legume owner Leslie Mosko says the experience of seeing patrons look up in momentary wonderment with such frequency is the most satisfying aspect of her job.

“Keeping this place running certainly isn’t easy, and there have been times when I’ve considered calling it quits,” Mosko said, “But then, a chain of people looking away from their laptops because someone dropped a spoon behind the counter starts, and I remember why I got into this business. The best part is when they look up, make momentary eye contact with someone who’s clearly a stranger and sheepishly pretend to look back at their half-assed screenplay. It’s such a thrill.”

Café sociologist Audrey Zhang cites these occurrences at Eager Legume and similar establishments as evidence of a base desire to foster connection and community while also reconciling it with one’s inability to be in the moment for any meaningful duration.

“People come to places like here because they think the combination of Sade playing through the speakers and eggshell walls will bring them to sustained communal concentration. Granted, some can achieve this,” said Zhang. “But others can’t finish a two-sentence email without looking to see if they know whoever it is walking by them holding a breakfast quiche and scrolling TikTok. Furthermore, the long-term effects of the pandemic have made it near-impossible to….sorry, a guy who used to be in my old roommate’s girlfriend’s band just walked in. What were we talking about?”

At press time, Eager Legume announced plans to add a loud bell to their front door.